She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize