Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
