Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
