i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
