so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
