It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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