Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
