Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
