ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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