There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
