Sponge bath it is.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
