I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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