Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
