just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
