will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
