I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
