at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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