He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
