if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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