that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
