I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
