how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
