Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
