I'm gonna have a badass scar
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
