Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
