so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
