I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
