I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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