Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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