there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think pants incapable of making pants work
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
