at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize