i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
