I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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