Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
