My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize