He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
