Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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