Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
