tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
