that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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