you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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