Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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