We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
