and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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