I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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