i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
