I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
