They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
