I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
