If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
