i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
