some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
