Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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