All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So vagazzling was a success
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
