remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
