The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize