is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
