I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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