I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it glows. i had to have it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
