help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
as a side note pls kill me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
