why didn't you poke me back
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
