what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
