Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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